I’m coming to you today with an unpopular opinion. I know this article will upset a bunch of you.

But I’ve made my peace with it. I’ve never been a people pleaser.

My intentions are good. I’m writing on behalf of children everywhere. (They don’t know it. Please don’t tell them. Let’s keep what’s left of their childhood intact, at least through the end of the year).

The Annual Elf Debate

It’s December, so the annual elf debate is in full swing.

Each year around this time, parents divide into two distinct and equally vocal camps. Those that Elf-on-the-Shelf and those that don’t. And sometimes their battle gets downright nasty.

If you’re a parent, you are likely familiar with the little red doll who appears shortly after Thanksgiving. Legend has it he or she travels back and forth to the North Pole each night, reporting to Santa about the children’s behavior.

Some parents think this a genius idea to keep kids on their best behavior during a crazy month. Others think kids should behave simply because it’s the right thing to do and not because a toy is spying on them.

And that’s not the only difference between these groups.

Elf Love

Some elfers plan for their elves’ arrival all year. They craft elaborate scenery and purchase elf accessories. The Elf-on-the-Shelf sells its own branded clothing, and many small businesses offer unique supplies to bring the Elf to life.

A quick Pinterest search for Elf-on-the-Shelf ideas yields thousands of boards full of inspiration. And elaborate Instagram feeds serve-up plenty of parent guilt for those of us not quite going “big enough.”

These parents fully embrace this silly holiday tradition. They savor the opportunity to bring holiday smiles to their kiddos. And yes, bask in the glory of Likes as their social media accounts grow.

That Creepy Doll

On the opposite side, you have an equally vocal group of people who oppose the elf.

Some people avoid the elf out of a sincere desire to focus on the holiday’s religious part. They fill their homes with advent wreaths and Bible verses instead of North Pole magic.

Some parents reject the elf to simplify what is ordinarily the busiest month of the year. With so much packed into one short month, they are trying to minimize extra activities.

Other parents avoid elf because of the creep-factor. Some object to his elfin appearance. And others don’t like the idea of an invader sneaking in and out of the house and keeping watch over their children. (Childhood is full of magical trespassers).

Then, the parents are too lazy or too cool to take part in the Christmas tradition. And, given the elaborate threshold for participation set by social media, you can’t really blame them.

To Each Their Own Elf

It makes no difference which camp you and your family are in. Every family has their own holiday traditions.

But every year, the anti-elfers go to great lengths to persuade others to abandon the beloved tradition. This always seemed a little strange to me.

I’m very much a “you-do-you” kind of mom and don’t get too concerned about what other people are doing inside their homes.

And yes, I see the irony of stating that and then penning my opinion about the elf-on-the-shelf. But bear with me for a minute, and you’ll see why I shared this post.

The Push to Abandon the Elf

Earlier this week, HuffPost published an article encouraging parents to put the elf down in 2020. The subhead states: “This is not the year we need to stress about remembering to move a “magic” stuffed doll every night.”

The article’s gist is that the pandemic is the perfect excuse to abandon the elf once and for all. The author proclaims that she is giving parents everywhere an early Christmas gift.

But let me be the first person to give you a gift this season: Put. Down. The. Elf. 2020 is not the year to worry about the damn elf. No parent, I repeat, no parent, needs to spend any excess energy this year to ensure holiday magic, or anything else.

When I read this quote, my heart stopped. I gasped. And broke out into a cold sweat.

She’s Got to Be Crazy

Abandon the elf-on-the-shelf in the midst of a global pandemic?

Abandon a beloved family tradition that the kids have been waiting for all year?

Create another disappointment in a year filled with nothing but disappointment?

What is this woman thinking?

Was she really too tired to move an eight-ounce toy around her house?

To be clear, I couldn’t care less whether Kate Auletta and her family take part in the elf-on-the-shelf tradition. She admits at the outset of her article they do not. That’s cool.

Parenting is Hard

But I take issue with her suggesting that other parents should not participate either. She encourages parents to use the pandemic as an excuse to stop the tradition. And when I read, “no parent needs to spend any excess energy this year to ensure holiday magic,” my eyes bugged out my head.

If ever there were a year to create a little holiday magic for our kiddos, this is it.

Yes, this year has been stressful.

In fact, 2020 was a nightmare. The kind we just can’t shake. Every time we force ourselves to wake up to escape the bad dream, we get sucked back into the horror.

And dawn is still a long way off.

Many parents have faced more stress in the last nine months than ever before. I don’t have to recount all the things we are dealing with this year. I agree with Kate Auletta. We are tired. This has been a year.

But our kids have experienced all this stress, too. They have had more disappointments and disruptions in one year than in all their prior years combined.

Our Kids Are Not Okay

Everyone says that kids are resilient. And that is true. They will bounce back from this pandemic.

But that’s little consolation now. The research tells us they are hurting. The ongoing stress, fear, and isolation of a pandemic are hard on us all, but children have an especially difficult time coping.

ER visits for mental health issues have risen sharply since August. Doctors report seeing more kids with anxiety, depression, and anger than normal.

Some of them haven’t been to school since March. Others toggle back and forth between in-person and online learning. Activities and fun have been canceled. They can’t see their friends or extended families.

They’ve missed summer camps, sleepovers, family vacations, and entire sports seasons.

And there is still no end in sight.

Isolation, Anger, and Depression

As an educator, I see their pain first-hand. I see sadness, depression, and hopelessness. Students are more prone to outbursts of anger and tears. They bicker. They’re distracted and sleepy.

And uncertainty plagues everything they do.

Many kids have lost interest in things they once enjoyed. They spend all day in front of computer screens of video games.

They have difficulty concentrating or remembering things. Many have little interest in their academic performance.

And they are worried. Worried about when they will see their friends again. Worried about going to school (or not). Worried about getting sick. Worried about having a loved one die.

And yes, even worried about whether the elf will be allowed in their homes during the quarantine. They know that no-one else will.

We Feel Helpless

As a parent, I see it too.

My own children are suffering from isolation and loneliness. From the continued disappointment of another thing canceled.

December, which is usually our most treasured month, is just another month on the calendar. I tried to get festive with the decorations. We now have too many Christmas trees that no-one will see. And we are baking too many Christmas cookies that no-one will eat.

Each day comes with a new disappointment. It feels like I am always drying tears and promising a better 2021.

There are very few things that I have control over this holiday season. But the ability to move an elf around my home is still one of them.

Don’t Abandon the Elf This Year

If you have never participated in the elf-on-the-shelf tradition, then you can stop reading.

I’m not trying to convince anyone to take part in a tradition they object to. And 2020 is not the year to add anything extra to your plate.

But…if you have always participated in the elf-on-the-shelf, then please, I beg you, don’t make this the year you give it up. Your kids don’t need another disappointment.

Although it should be enough, our children’s mental health isn’t the only reason to keep the tradition alive. Here are six other reasons to keep the elf-on-the-shelf tradition alive in 2020.

We Have More Time at Home

Most Decembers are crazy busy. Christmas concerts. Pageants. Caroling. Family Visits. Church Services. Office parties. Cookie-swaps. Secret Santas. Christmas Craftlands. Christmas Pictures. Santa Visits.

You get the idea.

Often, it’s hard to find a spare day on the calendar. But this year, our calendars are wide open. Most of the traditions we rely on to bring holiday magic to our lives have been canceled. We are creating new traditions around a simpler holiday.

But children thrive on predictability and routine. So much of their typical Christmas routine has been disrupted. Just thinking about the sadness in their eyes when a parent says it’s not safe for the elf, who is a toy, to visit makes me cry.

You can use a few moments of this extra time to move your elf and experience the joy and wonder in your child’s eyes. The minimal effort is well worth the reward.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

Taking part in the Elf-on-the-Shelf doesn’t have to be hard. Your kids don’t need fancy costumes, elaborate set-ups, or daily gifts to experience the joy of finding the elf each day. All you need to do is move it to a new location.

And since it’s already December 5th, you only have to do it twenty times.

If even that seems like too much, borrow an idea from Pinterest and quarantine your elf in a jar for the first week. He can stay in the jar in the same place for days. It’s up to you whether you let your children carry the jar around.

There are also tons of resources for easy elf ideas. If you have the energy to do a bit more than simply move the elf, and you don’t have to — simply moving the elf is enough — let the internet work for you. You can find easy elf ideas here and here. Or just search for Elf-on-the-Shelf on Pinterest.

It’s Not All About You

I’m not exactly sure how to say this delicately, so I’ll just launch right in. Not everything is about you.

I’m not sure when complaining about our kids, and all the things we “have to” do for them became a hobby. But it’s not flattering. And it’s not cute.

Many parents made an affirmative decision to have children. This decision comes with responsibility. And one of those responsibilities is raising happy, healthy kids.

You certainly don’t need to participate in the Elf-on-the-Shelf to do that. But to suggest that just because parents are tired means we can shirk our kids’ responsibility is nonsense.

We have been sacrificing for our children since they were born. Sleep, travel, fun, career. . . Continuing the Elf-on-the-Shelf tradition for one more year hardly seems in the same category.

Maybe this is the year to forego the massive gingerbread house or the elaborate Christmas crafts. Those things take energy and time. And money.

But the elf-on-the-shelf is simple. And free if you already own him.

Your Children Might Be Missing Their Classroom Elf

Did you know that many elementary school classrooms (and some middle and high school classrooms) have a classroom elf? Teachers use the elf in the same way as parents as a behavior management technique. And to bring a little dose of magic to kids who don’t have an elf at home.

The children have fun looking for the classroom elf each day. But searching via Zoom doesn’t have quite the same effect.

If your kiddos are talking about all the fun they had last year with the classroom elf, consider continuing the activity at home.

It doesn’t even have to be an elf to get the holiday spirit going. You can put your own spin on the tradition and hide any holiday toy you have at home.

You Might Even Have Fun

Let’s face it. We all need a little bit of cheer this year. We’ve been sitting in our houses for months. Looking at the same four walls and trying to think of new activities to engage our children.

The Elf-on-the-Shelf is the perfect solution.

Sure, he takes some planning and remembering. Things that are both in short supply this year. And it can be a lot of work (but it doesn’t have to be).

It can also be tremendous fun. Not just for the kids, but also you.

One of the great things about the elf is it comes with a built-in expiration date. You don’t have to commit to the elf forever, only until December 24.

Experts advise people to go all out with their holiday decorations this year even though we won’t be hosting events. Introducing new things into your environment (ahem, the elf) can boost your mood. And, the nostalgia we get from holiday traditions and happy memories can make us feel better.

I know you don’t have the energy or band to strategize your elf’s visit this year. But sometimes, you just have to force yourself to do something you don’t feel like doing. Exercise anyone?

If you act merry, you might just find you have a little more holiday spirit.

Kids Grow Up Too Fast

Last night one of my friends posted a picture of her family with their elf. The five-year-old twins were grinning from ear to ear, and her two-year-old was clutching the quarantined elf jar to her heart and radiating smiles. It made my heart melt. And my eyes tear up.

You may have guessed by now that my family has been an elf-family for more years than I can count. My oldest is a senior in high school, and my youngest is almost twelve. The secret’s been out here for a couple of years.

But we still keep the Elf-on-the-Shelf tradition. Now everyone pitches in, and it’s fun in a whole new way.

I’m no longer responsible for all the magic. Instead, I get to enjoy the surprise of finding Pete and Izzy every few days. Some days I laugh out loud when I see the amazing things my kids dreamed up.

I’ve embraced our new tradition, mostly because I don’t have a choice. And I enjoy every minute of it.

But I’d give anything for one more Christmas season where I get to create the Christmas magic. For one more delight-filled morning as the kids stumble upon their silly elves, for one more tear-filled Christmas eve when the kids hug their elves goodbye.

It has always been my responsibility and my honor to make the month of December magical for my kids. And I know how much they treasure our family traditions and holiday memories because they tell me all the time.