“Eveline” – Your Sneak-Peek at Deleted Scenes from The Kickline

I’m working on rewrites of The Kickline this November. It’s going better than expected. And I am already getting excited about round four.

In this draft, I am focused on cutting out unnecessary scenes and characters. This story has a big cast, so if you aren’t crucial to the plot you must go. I’m finding I rather enjoy the ruthless process of eliminating unnecessary passages.

Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “kill all your darlings.” It’s been attributed to William Faulkner and Ginsburg, among others. The idea is that as a writer you must be willing to let go of your most self-indulgent passages, The ones you are most attached to, most proud of. Because, often, these passages aren’t crucial for your story.

And every character and scene and conversation must move your story forward.

Here’s a deleted scene: Enjoy!

What’s the deal with Eveline?

“So, I met Eveline today,” I said. “She offered to give me private lessons.”

Mom snorted. 

“Who’s Eveline?” asked Dad.

“Just some old ballet hag. I think Eveline was giving lessons back when I lived here.”

I guess she wasn’t thirty.

“Rumor had it she made the New York City ballet, but she couldn’t subsist on cigarettes and vodka so she turned to coke. Then she had a complete meltdown, onstage, and wound up back in Ripple Falls with her tail between her legs even before the year was out.

“I was a girl when she came back into town and opened the studio. The first one wasn’t where it is today. It was in the basement of her parents’ house. The floors were crumbling concrete and we left there filthy. I swear that  mold down there gave me asthma.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works,” said Dad.

She shot him a look and continued. “Then she moved to a small place on Dunlop. It was better than the basement, that’s for sure. But she wasn’t a good teacher. Everyone was just smitten with her because she had been in N.Y. Like that was some big accomplishment.”

“She must have done okay for herself if she’s teaching thirty years later,” Dad offered.

Mom raised her eyebrows. “Or, if she had really done okay for herself maybe she wouldn’t still be teaching.”

I worked out the math in my head and I was pretty sure that Eveline wasn’t much older than 55. And I didn’t think working at fifty-five was all that unusual.

“Well, her new place is beautiful. Have you been inside?”

In writing you must kill all your darlings.

William Faulkner

Mom sniffed. “No, dear. She didn’t buy that until after her husband died. Her much older husband. He left her lots of money and she got herself a fancy new studio. Rumor has it she doesn’t even have to work anymore, she just likes tricking people out of their money.”

I pushed some carrots around my plate feeling confused. I was pretty sure Mom contradicted herself and one hundred percent sure she really didn’t like Eveline.

“So, can I take lessons?”

Mom sighed and put down her fork. “Ella, if she really thought you had that much promise she’d be mentoring you for free.”

That stung. Mom had always been supportive of my dance. In fact, it was because of her that I was a dancer at all. And every time I had suggested quitting she fired me to stick it out. She has entire scrapbooks of metropolitan ballet companies she had her sights on. And every minute of every day was choreographed to help me get into Julliard or Tisch. Or at the very least Temple.

Only after she announced the move to Ripple Falls did her obsession with my dance career start to fade. And other than encouraging me to go out for Kickline she hasn’t mentioned dance once since we’ve been here.

“Annie, that’s not fair. You of all people should not expect an artist to work for free.”

“Come on Will, she’s hardly an artist.”

“So that’s a no?” I said.

“Yes. That’s a no. I am not paying that woman one dime.”

“Mom,” I said, “I don’t know why you dislike her so much, but this is important to me. I haven’t danced like that in months. When I was on the floor today I finally felt alive. Happy even.”

She nodded and smiled. “Good. I’m glad you’re adjusting to Ripple Falls. I knew it was bound to happen.”

I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to say okay, of course, I could dance. When she changed the subject I shoved my chair back from the table and stormed away. 

Later that night when I was scrolling through Instagram photos of my best friends from Scottsdale, a feed that included several pictures of my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, I didn’t know, cozied up to Sheryl Shiller, Mom knocked and opened the door simultaneously.

“Ella, Dad and I talked. And I’m not going to stop you from taking dance with Eveline if that’s what you really wanted to do.”

I put my phone down and looked up at her, a smile forming on my lips.

“I’m not going to pay for it, but I won’t stop you from doing it.”

My smile froze at the midpoint. Even Eveline’s offer of floor time amounted to $100 a month. I had little savings from when I taught ballet in Arizona, but I would blow through that fast. 

“So you want me to pay for it?”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t want you to do it at all. But if you want to do it, then you’ll have to find a way to pay for it.”

“But how? I don’t have any money.”

“You could get a job,” Mom suggested.

“I would if I could. But I already have a job. Called babysitting. You know, your son, Jacob. The one that I am responsible for from 7:30 to 5:30 every day. How do you expect me to work when I always have to be here taking care of him.”

“I don’t like your tone,” she said. 

I huffed and picked up my phone.

“Ella,” she said. I ignored her and kept scrolling as I tried to fight the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. “Ella?” She said more softly.

I shook my head, leaned back, and closed my eyes. Finally, after what seemed like forever but was probably only a few minutes, she left. 

What do you think of Eveline?

What do you think? Are you curious? Do you want to know more? Drop me a comment and let me know.

I had fun creating this character and writing some pretty suspenseful scenes in the studio. But the truth is she wasn’t crucial to my story. And I feared this plotline kept the story too focused on dance, which might put off would-be readers. And I really needed to cut a lot of words.

It’s a little sad to see her go. But I always keep my cut scenes in a google doc. You just never know what you might want to repurpose one day.

In the meantime, read about The Kickline.

Happy Writing!