Coping with the January Blues When You Have College Kids – What You Need to Know to Cope

For as long as I can remember, I’ve suffered from the January Blues–that overwhelming sense of sadness that envelopes you after the holidays.

The days are dark and gray–the sun, apparently, on vacation until April. 

The twinkle lights that brought a sparkle and joy to December have been unplugged and tangled in a jumble in the basement. The cheery red and green decor is packed away for another year. The Christmas cookies have been consumed. All that’s left is crumbs.

And, worst of all, the fun family gatherings are now just another memory.

As if that weren’t enough to make you feel bleak, everywhere you turn, you are reminded of what a colossal failure you are in every aspect of life. The New Year bombards you with messages about losing weight, getting in shape, cutting out the booze, spending less, meditating more, decluttering, etc. . . . all reminding you that the current you is just not good enough.

Is it any wonder that all I want to do this time of year is stay in bed?

The January blues aren’t just in your head

There is a scientific explanation for the January blues. Seasonal affective disorder is a real medical condition affecting millions of people.

SAD is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. Symptoms typically start in the fall and continue into the winter months, when daylight is short. You may feel tired, apathetic and moody. These symptoms often improve or disappear during the spring and summer months.

Treatment is available and may include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, and medications. So you don’t have to suffer in silence. If you feel a prolonged sense of sadness through the fall and winter this might be more than the “January blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. You can take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year.

Learn more about it here and seek help from a medical professional.

January blues with college kids

But just when I thought the January blues couldn’t possibly get any worse, my oldest son went to college. 

Now, the January blues are deeper and more intense than ever before. Instead of a dull cornflower they are a vibrant midnight. Because come January, it is once again time for goodbye.

Let me just say, I’m not good at goodbyes. I cry on the first day of school. Every Year. My kids are in college,11th and 8th grade. And I still hate saying goodbye to summer vacation and goodbye to their comforting presence in the house.

I’m “that mom” who loves to have my kids home with me and I could never understand the moms who celebrated the end of summer vacation with mimosas. Didn’t they know that one more precious summer with their children was now gone?

I cry on the last day of school. Every year. Because each passing year means we are one day closer to graduation.

I cry at the end of every family vacation and especially when we leave Disney World. I mourn the passage of the time and the fact that another family event is over and will never happen again.

But there is no goodbye quite as difficult as the January goodbye. (Other than the first time you leave your child at college, and God help you if their first semester away from home is the spring semester. Talk about a double whammy.)

Home for the holidays

For weeks, I looked forward to having my entire family together again. And at the holidays no less. A time dedicated to fun and joy and merry-making.

I’ve always loved Christmas. And now that I have a son away at school, Christmas break has taken on a whole new level of excitement. It is so reassuring to have all my kiddos under one roof. 

I counted down the days to his arrival. The candy cane blocks on my coffee bar might have been counting to Christmas, but I knew exactly how many days there were until December 17th.

I carefully planned our menus with the precision usually reserved for advanced military drills. It’s no small feat to fit in all of his favorites around holiday dinners, special events and busy schedules.

I made time on the calendar for all of our must-do family traditions. My own life was happily put on hold until the dark days of January. And let me say that I like my life just fine. In fact, I love my life. I love my job and my writing. I love my workouts. I love my dogs and my other two kids. I live for my routines. 

But every once in a while, it’s nice to disrupt ordinary life for the extraordinary.

Extraordinary highs and lows

And that’s how it feels to me to have my college son home for the holidays. Extraordinary!

From the minute he walked in the door I felt like I was floating.

I do feel like we took advantage of our time together. We spent lots of time sitting at the kitchen counter and made family meals a priority, which was tough since my younger two spent half of his visit still in school–but that’s a story for another post.

We made time for movie nights and family games and enjoyed lots of spontaneous conversation. We took long walks, went out for dinner, and had fun excursions, including a trip to the local Christmas display, at my son’e request.

To make things even more special, we also got to celebrate his birthday. My son has a late December birthday. So even though he turned twenty (!?!) this year, I got to continue all of our birthday traditions, traditions that started when he was just a baby – streamers on the door, birthday cupcakes for breakfast, the Mickey Mouse birthday banner, his favorite lemon cake. Being able to celebrate the beginning of my son’s third decade with him was the only Christmas present I really needed.

I’m not overstating it to say that Christmas started the moment he walked through the door.

But so did the countdown–to the January blues.

Time to say goodbye

Because as happy as I was that he was home, I knew it would only be a flash and he’d be packing up to leave again. Filling suitcases, packing boxes with the overflow that a birthday and Christmas were sure to provide, checking his flight status.

I tried to keep myself from mentally counting the days. Of course I failed. Sometimes I spent so much time worrying about saying goodbye and impending January blues that I had a hard time enjoying the moment.

But I did manage to stay positive up until the countdown got to three. That’s when I started to panic. My breath came fast and shallow. I felt that familiar twist in my stomach and the sting in my eyes. I had a little less patience, and a little more….

On the morning of his departure, I made pancakes and swallowed back my tears. I kept glancing at the clock, watching our final hours together tick by. I wasn’t sure if my tender mom heart could take this January goodbye.

I finally let the tears fall as I hugged him goodbye. We even joked that Mom always cries on New Years. And when he walked out the door I sat on the floor mourning another holiday come and gone. 

And I wonder if middle-aged me is destined to be a sentimental fool who forever marks the passage of time with nostalgia and tears. 

Why so melancholy?

I’m not even sure what I’m sad about. I don’t want to go back to the days of toddlerhood or even the elementary school years. I loved those years. But I love these years too. 

I love mothering teens and twenty-somethings. I love their self-sufficiency, sense of humor and sense of self (most of the time). I love spending time with my growing kiddos and watching them grow into amazing human beings.

I’m so proud of my son for pursuing his goals, We taught him to chase his dreams, and that is exactly what he is doing.

I’m excited for the life he is creating and I know that no matter where he goes or what he does we will always be an important part of that life. I can easily jump on a plane, and I do, to visit him. 

I want all of my children to spread the wings and explore this great, big, beautiful world. The last thing I want is them living in my basement or feeling like they have to stay close to home to keep me happy.

And I love the freedom I have now. I love the opportunities to finally pursue my goals. 

A Bad case of the January blues

Maybe I just need more time to adapt to this new normal, this new stage of parenting. Or maybe it’s just the January blues wreaking havoc with my emotions.

Or maybe I’ll always be a sentimental fool when it comes to my children. It’s hard to say.  Hopefully in time I’ll be able to treasure the present without mourning the past.

But for now, I’ll pick myself up off the floor and convince my thirteen year old to walk the dogs with me. He probably won’t want to, but he will. He’s good like that.

And when I get home, I’ll start a new countdown until the next time we can be together.

Happy Reading!

PS: I am not a mental health professional or doctor and opinions expressed on this blog should not be taken as a replacement for qualified medical or mental health treatment. If feelings of sadness and depression are overwhelming or prevent you from participating in your regular activities please seek help.

PPS: Want to read more about parenting teens? Check out this post.