4 Simple Elf on the Shelf Solutions to Save Your Sanity & Savor the Season

I sat on the floor in the wee hours of the morning. Twinkle lights blinked on and off in a tangle around my knees. Resin gingerbread people and plastic confections decked out in holiday reds, greens and sparkles littered the floor. And glitter coated my fingers and my pajama pants.

I was hard at work helping our family elf, Pete, transform my toddler’s Little Tikes market into a Christmas cookie stand befitting any tree farm, or even the North Pole itself. I pulled the sticker price tag off a giant candy cane and wished, not for the first time, they’d switch to paper tags. 

“Don’t you sleep?”

Her voice scared the daylights out of me. Or would have, had there been any daylight. “Hi, Mom,” I said, chuckling. “Sorry I woke you. I was trying to be quiet.” I thought I was being quiet. The success of this whole operation depended upon stealth. “I’ll sleep in the new year,” I said, only half kidding.

She sighed, wrapped her ruby red housecoat around her, and started brewing coffee. “How can I help?”

Of course, my Mom was called to the kitchen by the pull of Christmas magic–magic that moms are primarily responsible for in the few too-short weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Together we sat in the dark kitchen, sipping coffee and arranging plastic treats. 

When we finished, the market was bedecked with garland and lights. Christmas “cookies” and candy filled the bins. A homemade sign said, “Pete’s Treats” in questionable crayon penmanship. (This was back in the early days of Elf on the Shelf when the merchandise wasn’t everywhere.) And Pete sat in a little chair holding a candy cane.

Magical memories

Writing about this magical memory brings a tear to my eye even all these years later. 

Maybe it’s because I remember too well the heaviness in my chest that morning as I fought the impending doom that Christmas would never again be quite so magical. My oldest had just turned nine and I could see the time slipping through Santa’s hourglass. I feared it was the last year they would all believe. (And I was right, although Christmas remains a magical time in our family).

Or maybe, it’s because I haven’t heard my Mom’s sweet voice in over five years. No-one’s joined me in the kitchen before dawn to put the finishing touches on a Christmas surprise or whip up a batch of Christmas cookies. And the holidays just aren’t the same without her. 

But not a Christmas passes without remembering those quiet moments of magic-making or the pure delight on my children’s faces when they saw the elf’s industriousness. Every year, my heart swells with happiness.

Stop the elf-hating

And so, I always feel a little bit perturbed about this time of December when the elf-griping takes off.

Christmas is full of controversies: turkey or ham? Open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? Matching family pajamas?

But perhaps none is as divisive as the Elf on the Shelf. If you aren’t familiar with the tradition (I’ll assume you just landed from Mars), “scout elves” are sent from the North Pole to spy on kids and report to Santa. Each night they travel home to make a report and return to the house picking a new spot to hide. As they move from place to place throughout the month of December, they sometimes get into mischief or set up silly scenes designed to make kids laugh. 

You either love this tradition–there are entire Instagram accounts devoted to the elf on the shelf–or you hate it. And there is plenty of hate to go around. 

Some accuse the elf of violating privacy and teaching children to accept surveillance. Others argue that he teaches kids to be deceptive.  Or that the toy breeds competition and feelings of inferiority. I even wrote about some of them here.

If you want to read more of these anti-elf arguments, because you too are an elf-hater or you are fascinated how a stuffed doll can be inspire so much hate, simply Google “complaints about the elf on the shelf”

The Elf on the Shelf is optional

You can probably guess which camp I’m in. 

We loved Pete so much that we added a girl elf, Izzy, to the family. Planning the elf on the shelf escapades was one of my favorite parts of December. I had an entire color-coded calendar–a fact which will surprise no-one who knows me–to organize the antics. There were so many ideas and so few days!

But if the elf on the shelf is not your cup of cocoa, no worries. To each their own. There are plenty of other traditions you can choose to make December meaningful for your family, if you want to. No one is under any obligation to have an elf (or do an advent calendar or the 12 Days of Christmas or any other such holiday activities). 

Repeat after me… the elf is optional.

But… if you do decide to bring an elf into your family, then please, for the love of all that is Christmas, have fun with it! Don’t take to Facebook badmouthing the &#%!@?! elf.  

I get it…December is busy. You’ve got cookies to bake, gifts to buy, trees to trim… And right about now the novelty of the elf on the shelf is wearing off. You’ve already been moving the little creature for two weeks. And you’re running out of steam. And ideas.

But it’s not the elf’s fault you bit off more than you can chew.

You are doing this for you

The elf on the shelf is a stuffed doll. Presumably you knew this when you purchased him. He was never going to fly to the North Pole or move himself around your house. (I mean that would be creepy). But when you brought the elf home, you agreed to do your part to make this story magical for your kids.

Think of it like bringing home a puppy. Only a lot less work. Consider yourself lucky you don’t have to clean up any accidents.

Try and remember that you chose the elf. You chose the magic. And the memories. And the joy. You aren’t doing this for the elf. Or for social media. Or even for your kids.

You’re doing this for you.

I recently had a very wise woman point out to me that most of the tasks I assume (and grumble about), holiday or otherwise, I do because [in the long run] they make me happy. I choose to do them. The long term wins are worth more than the short term grief.

And so it is with the elf on the shelf. I promise you, the happiness this stupid doll brings to your kiddos and the memories you and they will treasure for a lifetime are worth a little less sleep.

Remember, you are doing this for you.

Keep the elf on shelf activities simple

But do yourself a favor and keep things easy.

And as far as activities go, I’ll be the first to admit that elf on the shelf activities have gotten out of hand. But this is also not the elf’s fault. I was lucky to have the elf in the days before our lives were taken over by social media. I had to hunt down fun ideas. And there was no place to post my elf’s daily pranks. #thankgoodness

With social feeds devoted exclusively to the elf on the shelf, things are a lot more elaborate now. (But so is everything in life. Promposals, gender reveals, Tik Tok inspired wedding party dances. A decade ago these things did not exist the way they do now. Social media has complicated everything.)

But just because some people decide to spend a small fortune on their elfcapades does not mean YOU have to go overboard. You don’t need elaborate props or expensive set-ups. And, ahem, cookie cart aside, all of my elf on the shelf props fit into one 10-inch cube box. (And that’s after seventeen years of elfing.) 

Set a reminder

know some people can’t remember to move the elf. They find themselves jumping from bed in the middle of the night, or tiptoeing around with the elf hidden under a sweatshirt while their kids slurp cheerios and watch Cocomelon.

Let your phone help.  We use apps to remind us about everything from doctors’ appointments and garbage night to permission slips and prescription refills. Just add the elf on the shelf as another reminder and you won’t have to think about it again.

Others complain they have to get back up out of bed at 10 pm or get up before their kids. If you have young children and never stay up until after they go to bed or get up before they wake to complete a task (even in December), I say kudos to you. You’ve got a good thing going and you’re right–you don’t need the elf to mess up your well-oiled machine. 

But if you’re like the other 99% of parents who struggle to get anything done when their little ones are awake, then maybe taking thirty seconds to move the elf really isn’t that big a deal.

Make a list of elf on the shelf hiding places

Another objection is you don’t know where to hide him. Friends, the internet has got you covered. Google elf on the shelf for hundreds of ideas. Pinterest is a veritable gold mine of options. And check out those Instagram accounts I alluded to earlier for even more suggestions. 

Plus, if you’ve got young kids, chances are your friends do too. There’s no shame in stealing the great ideas you see on Facebook. 

I suggest you set aside thirty minutes to researching ideas and make a list of them. This is not something you want to be doing every night at midnight. You don’t need a color-coded calendar like me, but a simple list in your notes app will go along way to relieving the nightly stress.

Focus on kindness

If you don’t like the elf on the shelf being naughty and making a mess, then rein her in. The great thing is you are in charge of the elf. You are the elf. She doesn’t have to put cereal in the toilet or write messages out of marshmallows. She can keep things kind and clean. She can be a good role model.

If you are into naughty elf ideas, there are instagram accounts just for that too. I haven’t checked them out though (and don’t intend to), so do so at your own risk.

I’m not trying to convince anyone to do the elf on the shelf. I’m really not. It’s a very personal decision.

But if you choose the elf, have fun with it. It’s supposed to be fun. (wink, wink). This is actually a very small commitment. December is already half over and the elf on the shelf will be back at the North Pole (aka in the box) before you know it. 

And another Christmas with your little one will be a Chriatmas past.

The years are short

Here come the tears again. At the risk of sounding like an old lady reminiscing about days of yore…. The days are long, but the years are short. 

Too short.

My oldest son will be twenty–2-0! on Monday. I love this stage of life and parenting, but boy, how I miss those Christmases with littles.

I’m not indulging in rosy retrospection here. I remember the exhaustion. The sleepless nights. The constant mess. The meltdowns. But it was–and still is– my favorite time of year!

December is special. And there’s nothing like Christmas with a child. 

I loved those Christmases. I cherished them. I made the most of every minute. And yes the elf on the shelf was part of it. It thrills me to know that my kids love each and every one of our family traditions.

My oldest son has a December birthday, so Pete is always here to celebrate with him. And he and Izzy visit on the other kids’ birthdays too. (Yes, I did buy the Elf cupcake costume.) My kids are now 19, 16 and 13, and this is an important  tradition that we continue.

Treasured memories

I recently learned just how important.

I was hunkered down in Florida with my oldest son when Hurricane Ian barreled through. I got a text and then a phone call from my youngest son to ask me where the elves were. 

At first, I was surprised by the request. I had no idea why he’d need the elves in September. But it all fell into place quickly. It was our dog Milo’s birthday. And no birthday is complete without a visit from the elves. He wanted to set them our for our puppy.

That’s when I realized the true significance of these family traditions. And I was so grateful for every sleepless night and … 

The things you do today matter. The traditions you take the time to make matter. Your kids won’t be little forever, but the meaningful traditions will matter long after they have grown up.

So do yourself a favor and try to find the joy in the season. And cut the elf a break. 

Happy Holidays!

PS: For some tips on being more productive overall, so you have more time for the elf on the shelf, check out this post.